Bully Targets - Victims of Bullying

Bully Targets - Victims of Bullying


Bully Targets - Victims of Bullying - As a victim, you are surrendering your power over to others so that they drive the events of your life. I just read this statement in a Twitter post about confidence.  It really struck me how much power a bully takes or is given by those who are targeted.

Bullying is About Power

When choosing a victim, bullies typically target children who have few or no friends.  If a child has at least one significant friend in school,

If your child has at least one significant friend, he will be less likely to be bullied and can more easily cope with effects of bullying should it occur.

he or she is less likely to be bullied and is usually better equipped to find solutions.

In doing research for my book The Left Out Child- The Importance of Friendship I was struck by how isolated some children are in the playground politics.  Often, it takes very little to help the child learn social skills that will draw others to him/her as friends.  Simply learning how to invite a person to play or ask to join a group game already in progress.

When adults can help strengthen the victims of bullying and teach positive ways to interact with others, both the target and the bully will benefit.  As will all of society.

Teach Assertiveness Skills

If a victim has been repeatedly bullied, they may find it very difficult to stand up to the bully and will try to avoid a confrontation at all costs.  One reason is that the bully is very good in reading body language and non-verbal clues and has learned to look for vulnerabilities in others.  If there is intervention early in the conflict, the victim may be able to shift the power and no longer be dominated.

If a potential victim or target maintains his/her composure, stands firm and consistently continues to speak in a calm voice with conviction, the bully will go elsewhere. Allow the teasing, taunting and insults to flow off your back.  Do not take them personally.

Assertive means standing firm.  It is not easy to gain this skill and may need to be practiced at home.  Have some words and body language ready when a bully tells you that you are ugly, stupid, gay or any of the other thousands of slams that bullies use on victims. Stand straight up and look the bully in the eye and don’t let him/or her see that what they have said has upset you.

Recognize that it is the bully who has the problem, not you.  He/she is looking for someone he can make feel smaller so that he/she can feel more powerful.  Don’t give them the satisfaction.

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